LESSON 1 - the importance of the self
start here - live group session/webinar
- why you need to know yourself
- how to know yourself better
- change behaviors change results
- find who you really are so you can work on you want to be
How well do you really know yourself? Knowing yourself is a journey. A one way journey. Once you check-in you don’t want to look back, you just want to keep going. Further and deeper. To know yourself is to peel back your own layers, bit by bit, until you get to the authentic within. It is an incredible and unpredictable journey that makes you dive deep into your insecurities, self-doubts and vulnerabilities, and allows you to rise up by developing your greatest skills, strengths and self-power.
More than finding yourself, knowing yourself is a journey to (re)create yourself. You begin to question if the way you are living your life is in alignment with your highest purpose. And even if you don’t know your true purpose, the journey of self-discovery allows you to live in that space of not knowing - accepting what you are and what you are not. In fact, to know yourself means to give yourself permission not to know everything, not to be everything.
Many times we feel stuck, and even when we achieve success, it feels that something is always missing. We spend our days looking for the answers outside, until we realize that the search is an inside job, and it can only be done by ourselves. This is the moment when we really wake up to life. We realize that nothing will make sense if we don't make sense ourselves. Awakening - that’s what knowing yourself really is. It is about respecting and honoring all your thoughts, feelings, limitations, dreams, and fears. let the journey of the self begin..
why you need to know yourself
There are weaknesses, strengths and fears we have no idea that exist inside ourselves. They are hidden behind a mask called self-image. Self-image doesn’t necessarily represent what we are, but how we see ourselves. The image of the older sister who has to set an example, the mother who has to make dinner every day, the friend who always has to agree on everything - these are all images that become the masks we wear every single day. These masks are so engraved in our being that we truly believe we are what we think we are. But we are not the masks we wear or that people make us wear, we are not the image we have of ourselves - we are much more than that.
To deconstruct this image, to remove this mask is one of the greatest fear we all have (you will feel overwhelmed and confused, believe us!), but it is also what will give you the possibility to look at who you really are, in your true essence, as a human being. When you explore yourself you get impressed with who you really are and everything you are able to do. Even the things that you once thought were impossible are now a very near future.
Many people don’t realize the importance of knowing themselves, and those who don’t check-in the self-discovery journey start believing that their existence is meaningless, so they become mere observers of life, unhappy about their path, but doing nothing to actually recover their life. People who don’t know themselves often lack control over their decisions and emotions, having these determined by external factors - for example, people will be involved in certain activities because that’s what others are doing, or they will wear what others wear. In the end, if you don’t participate in self-discovery, you will never control your life or what’s happening to you, but if you do start exploring and creating your true self, you will be the dictator of your goals, beliefs and dreams.
When you are on your journey to the self, you explain less and make more time for yourself. Once you know why you are making your own choices and how you are influencing/impacting your own life, you no longer feel like you need to give any justification to anyone,because your life is only your business.
So, only when you know yourself you are able to:
- make better choices and follow your own (successful) path: when you know who you really are, you stop focusing on what others expect from you, you stop living according to their wishes and you start living in alignment with your own needs and dreams because you understand that you have the freedom and flexibility to really chase after the life that really makes sense to you. You will say ‘no’ to to anything that doesn’t serve you or that pushes you away from your true purpose.
- live in harmony with yourself, others and the world: being who you truly are helps you to go beyond your limits and take risks. You start looking at the world with an open mind and you realize that, in every situation, you are always in control of your responses. You begin to see everything as a new opportunity instead of a scary threat, and everyone as an essential piece of society, and the world. You realize the true definition of "oneness".
- be happy and love yourself: once your start the journey of knowing yourself, it will be a permanent process in your life and although it never ends, because we are always changing, you’ll know you’ve reached a good place when you start being proud of who you are - even the ugliest things about you will bring a great sense of fulfillment because without them, you wouldn’t be you. You feel more alive and experience life in a more positive and exciting way.
No matter what you’ve been through, the most important thing you can achieve is acceptance and self-love. Acceptance is necessary so you can build up your confidence. And self-love is loud and infectious. When you love yourself, others will follow - but no matter who comes along, just know that no one will love you like you love yourself (and that is amazing because there will be nothing anyone can do or say that can take you away from YOU).
HOW TO KNOW YOURSELF BETTER
We all know what society wants us to do, or the person our families/friends want us to be - but who are we really?
Knowing yourself has a little to do with your favourite color or your favourite song, but a lot to do with how that color/movie/place makes you feel and what it represents to you. When you know yourself, you focus more on meeting your own standards that the standards set by others, you develop your self-awareness. One of the greatest consequences of self-awareness is increased emotional intelligence - the ability to identify and manage your feelings as they come up, neither repressing them nor being lost in them.
Many psychological studies have been proving that top successful leaders, in any professional area, have these two things in common: self-awareness and emotional intelligence. They are able to identify what’s the best for them, what will bring them ultimate happiness and the steps they need to take to achieve their goals, and then they can really achieve anything they commit to! Think about the football player Cristino Ronaldo with his incredible self-confidence or Walt Disney that created his empire based on a leadership that values all team members or Oprah Winfrey, a woman with a unique capacity to inspire and educate others). We might not love all successful leaders, but they all have something we would love to have. Self-awareness and emotional intelligence play a key role in their continued achievements. Successful people work to inspire and motivate those around them, they support others and celebrate success together, and most important, they always build relationships that brings value to both parties (themselves and the other).
To know yourself and choose a life path that makes you feel happy and fulfilled, you need to know the real you. And to know the real you, you have to know your your VITAL Signs - Values, Interests, Temperament, Activity timing (biorhythm), Life mission & meaningful goals, Strengths/Skills - the six building blocks of self. (autor: Selig??)
Values - the principles that motivate us to achieve goals and guide our decisions, what one considers to be important or beneficial. Knowing your values helps you make better decisions in life and know what is really important to you.
Interests - anything that draws your attention over a sustained period of time, your passions, hobbies, curiosities. Being interested in something makes life vivid and when you pay attention to your interests, you discover your deepest passions.
Temperament - your inborn preferences and how you restore your energy. You can be a person that energizes from being alone (introvert) or from being with people (extrovert). Knowing your temperament is essential to help you choose situations to flourish or avoid.
Activity timing - when you like to do things (your biorhythms). Respecting your own innate biology helps you to achieve success, as you can schedule important tasks when you are at your best time (peak energy). In every are, it’s easier to enjoy life when you don’t waste energy pretending to be someone you are not.
Life Mission and Meaningful Goals - this is related to the most meaningful events of your life and by reflecting on them you may discover you real identity, career and life purpose.
Strengths/Skills - these are your natural abilities, skills, talents. Knowing your strengths is necessary to develop self-confidence and accepting yourself, in the same way that knowing your weaknesses may help you be honest with yourself and others about what you’re not good at or what you need to work on.
As we are all human beings, beautiful social creatures, we are constantly changing, and our Vitals change with us. Even when you know your Vitals it is hard to remain true to yourself because you are constantly changing and because society’s values/interests/… often conflict with your own. So, take some time to check your Vitals and feel that sense of excitement about knowing yourself better. Vitals Tool
Change behaviors - Change results
We all know that “nothing changes if nothing changes”, right?! Sometimes we even know the result we want to achieve, but the real question is what to change?
Remember that to grow into a tree, a healthy seed must be planted. It is possible to liberate yourself from old habits and self destruction, and although it might a challenging task, as our thinking patterns defeat us from who we are and make us disconnect from who we want to be, it is super rewarding.
To turn a negative result into a positive one, we have to get to the root of the event - the behavior (the seed). And to be aware of the behavior you have find the feeling behind it (the health of the seed). Now here, introspection is key. No one knows what you feel, think or do better than yourself (and no one ever will). At this point you must be asking yourself ‘so how do I mature that seed and find myself?’ There’s only one way - you build a gateway to your roots.
The deeper your roots, the higher you can reach. Think about a child and what he does when he wants to make a high jump - he bends his knees, approaches the ground and pushes down, so that’s exactly what you have to do: push down to rise up. We are not going to look at the result we want to achieve, we will explore the behavior we want to change. Behavior is not an isolate phenomenon, and if we want to change it successfully, we have to consider what affects it.
Behavior is affected by our thoughts, feelings, emotions - let’s just call it triggers. When we don’t take time to understand the trigger behind a behavior, these emotions and thoughts emerge when we least expect. Many people try to change their habits by focusing on what they want to achieve (the result), which often leads to outcome-based habits, instead of identity-based habits. But when we try to understand the feeling behind the behavior (the trigger) and take action to change it, we move towards our goals.
Facing the truth is never an easy task, and it becomes even harder when it’s about who we really are. Getting in touch with our deep thoughts and real emotions requires honesty and courage, so be patient. Start building that getaway to your roots step by step, give yourself time and the recognition you deserve for all your progress, no matter how small it may be. Identifying things about yourself that you were previously unaware of, is already a sign that you are moving forward, changing and growing. grounding exercise tool
Find who you really are so you can work on who you want to be
To achieve your goals and be who you really want to be, you need to find where you are at this moment of your life (so that's where we will meet you).
After being aware of the importance of the self, knowing your Vitals and transforming your behaviors so you can see positive results, you now have a much clearer idea of yourself, you know YOU a lot better than when you started reading this lesson, and that was only a few days ago, now imagine what incredible transformations can happen in your life by the end of this Module, this Program, this Year!
First we explained you that the journey of self-discovery is something we should all do but we also agreed that it is not an easy journey, plus it is a one way journey - no arrival date, no return, a non stop road to the core - that will take you to real you, with everything you feel comfortable and uncomfortable with. Even when we told you that it would not be easy, and in the face of all these new unpredictable discoveries, you decided to go ahead, accepted to check-in this journey and have already come a long way.
We have already peeled off some layers of your being, especially those that involve only personal concerns, but there is still much more in this path to find yourself. Let’s just dive a little deeper, into a space that will allow you to go right to your thoughts and feelings. Find a comfortable space, where you can be alone without interruptions and feel at peace, let your mind and heart flow freely and complete the next tool with words that really make sense to you, even if is something that seems absolutely impossible, just write it down. tool here (I am someone who..)
There is something that goes beyond what we are as a person, something that is not up to us, that we cannot choose, but that can always be changed, transformed, and healed. That's where we are heading next.
If you feel exhausted and overwhelmed by all that you have discovered, we recommend you to take a small break, respect your own time and continue when you feel energized (do something that makes you truly happy and continue this learning process tomorrow). Remember that every being is a different and unique being and that things can (and should) be done at your own pace.
Whenever you feel ready, we’ll see you at Lesson 2.